What Human Design Taught Me About Mothering
Today I wanted to start off by sharing a little bit about my story because I think it's relevant to why I began incorporating Human Design into my motherhood journey.
Human Design has completely changed the way I show up in my life and in my motherhood, and I can't wait to share its wisdom with you.
Carolyn’s Deep Dive into Human Design
The one thing that I’ve always labeled myself as, is a high-achieving perfectionist.
After diving into a lot of personal growth and healing work, it’s become quite clear to me that my perfectionism and need to always be striving, is really a facade for the discomfort I have with showing up in the world as my authentic self.
For as long as I can remember, I’ve been sensitive to judgments and expectations from myself and others, and so by trying to be ‘perfect,’ others will think I’m enough.
In this process of trying to protect myself and my heart, I forgot what it looked and felt like to just be me – the person I am on a soul level.
The constant achieving, striving and controlling eventually left me feeling depleted in my adolescence; I struggled with panic attacks, high anxiety and felt completely cut off from who I actually was.
All of this was happening to me and my health, yet I still didn’t have any real insight into what was causing me to feel this way!
Fast forward to becoming a mother, and these same problems continued to be amplified.
My transition into motherhood looked and felt quite different than the way I expected it to go. My oldest son Harvey was born with a very low birth weight and had trouble feeding, sleeping and growing. Not to mention, his high energy and strong willed personality was very different from my own. Once again, I began leaning on perfectionism to try and cope with how I was feeling.
You might be thinking – okay Carolyn, so what does this all have to do with Human Design?
Well, I’m almost there!
Luckily, it was through this difficult and beautiful transition into motherhood, where I was finally forced to “wake up” to my unhelpful ways of being. I dove into mindset, mindfulness and energetics work and began to prioritize healing myself from the inside out. It was also during this time when I began hearing more about the power of Human Design and began soaking in all of its wisdom.
Learning that I am a 4/6 Splenic Projector in Human Design was the first time I really began seeing my true self in a whole new light. It allowed me to not only remember, but also to find acceptance for the person I’ve always known that I am deep down.
My energy type, strategy and authority resonated with me so deeply, especially the parts of my chart that spoke to my emotional sensitivity, my drive to push, my low energy and inability to “see” my own worth.
I began finding acceptance for who I truly am, and things in my life began to shift drastically.
Human Design is the sole reason why I began seeing my worth. It’s also given me so much permission to slow down, prioritize my well-being and begin following my intuition.
Without it, I am confident that I would still be burnt out, in my nursing career and trying to stay afloat in my role as a mother.
What is Human Design?
If you’re not familiar with Human Design, there is so much depth that we can get into! A good place to start if you’re newer to understanding its wisdom is with Wand(HER)wild’s free resource, Human Design Connections.
What Human Design has taught me about Mothering
What I really want to share in this post, is what Human Design has taught me about mothering. After reflecting on this for a while, there have been five major takeaways that I’m eager to share with all of you today.
Human Design has taught me that I am more than enough when I show up as my true self (and that my children are born enough too).
If you take away only one thing from this blog post, I hope it’s that Human Design can help you to see your worthiness. No matter who you or your children came into this world to be, you are worthy to share your whole self with the world.
I told you my story above about how Human Design made me view the person that I’ve always known that I am in a whole new light; I am eternally grateful for this.
But this view has also begun trickling down into how I see my children as well.
Society does a really good job of telling us what a “good, compliant, normal” child is like, and what a “difficult, less compliant, different” child is like.
Despite initially labeling Harvey as my strong-willed, spicy, “difficult” child who needed ‘fixing’, Human Design has allowed me to see his incredibly amazing and independent personality in a whole new way.
Human Design was the reason why I shifted my perspective, and found acceptance for who we both are on a soul level.
Unlike society, Human Design teaches us about differentiation; that being different is what actually makes us whole and beautiful.
This drastically changed the way I mother my children because I’m no longer trying to strive for things to be different or ‘fix’ who they are. Instead, contentment, peace and love has filled my heart as I see my shining, independent and silly boy embrace exactly who he is.
2. Human Design has taught me that I can feel confident looking inwards when I’m making decisions in my motherhood.
The noise from society has gotten really loud, and often leaves me feeling like I 'should' or 'have to' mother in a certain way in order to be a good mom. For example, I can’t even count how many times I have heard the following messages:
Breast is best
Sleep train your baby if you want them to sleep through the night
Baby-led weaning is the right way
Absolutely no screen time
These black and white standards don’t consider the mother (or the child’s) unique needs, and can create a lot of undue stress and anxiety for mothers trying to live up to these unrealistic expectations. Understanding my Human Design authority has helped me to silence that outside noise, and begin looking within myself as a way to make decisions around daily rhythms, eating, sleeping, communication, my parenting style, and so much more.
I’m no longer seeking that outside validation, but trusting that my intuition will guide me to make decisions that work the best for my unique family and our specific needs.
When we as mothers begin to lean into and trust ourselves, things begin to feel so much easier because we make decisions from a place of what feels aligned for us. Over time, these small decisions add up and help us to create the life that we truly desire for ourselves and our family.
3. Human Design has taught me that I can give myself permission to prioritize my needs and well-being as a mother.
How often do we as mothers ignore or neglect what our body is telling us?
Learning that I was a Human Design Projector energy type was so eye opening for me because it allowed me to finally accept what I always knew to be true about myself - that my energy is lower than others, and it’s okay to slow down.
For the longest time I questioned why I always felt more tired than others, and I would push myself to keep up despite it not feeling sustainable.
This neglect for my own well-being came through even more strongly in the early days of motherhood as I told myself that I was ‘supposed’ to feel exhausted all the time and put my own needs on the back-burner.
Since learning about my Human Design chart, I am much better at attuning to, and honoring what my body is telling me.
In Wand(HER)wild’s free resource, Sacred Morning Rituals, I teach you the exact body scan ritual that I practice every single morning to intentionally connect with my mind & body.
This often means setting boundaries, or saying “no” when I’m taking on too much. It also means setting up my day in a way that is in-sync with my energy levels. Most days, I sneak in a cat nap and I’ve seen how much this affects my ability to mother with patience.
There are so many areas within our Human Design Chart, including understanding our energy type, that can tell us where we are pressuring ourselves to be someone we are not.
With awareness of who we are on a soul level through our chart, we can intentionally show up in a way that feels good and supports our well-being.
4. Human Design has taught me that I can break unhelpful patterns and cycles that have been passed down for multiple generations.
The way that we mother our children is often shaped by the way that we were raised by our caregivers; which was passed down from the way that they were raised.
The beliefs, stories and expectations that we learn as children from our own caregivers (and from society), largely influence who we expect our own children to be. For example:
Maybe you were taught that you needed to get good grades and go to a prestigious university in order to be worthy
Maybe you were taught that you needed to keep your feelings hidden in order to keep the peace in your family
Maybe you were taught that you needed to go to bed early even if your body didn’t feel tired
Somewhere in my life, I was taught that a calm and obedient child was a “good” child and so this is what I expected from Harvey.
This is what we call ‘conditioning’ in Human Design.
When we unconsciously have the same expectations for our own children based on what we were taught, what we are actually telling them is that it’s not okay to be who they are on a soul level.
Instead of mothering our children for who they are in their beautiful uniqueness, we can begin trying to mold them into who we think they should be.
Just to be clear - trying to reduce generational conditioning is not about being a perfect mother. Conditioning naturally happens as our children grow up and learn about themselves from their surroundings.
However, we as the mother can play a part in beginning to break the unhelpful patterns and cycles that tell them who they “should” be.
In order to help do that, I had to become really aware as the mother, about where I was conditioned away from my authentic self too.
Like I said above, digging into my own Human Design chart has allowed me to get clear on parts of my life where I have felt pressured to be someone I’m not and begin to ‘come home’ to myself. It has also helped me to find more self-acceptance of who I am deep down, and to heal areas of myself where I have felt unworthy of showing up in my truth.
The beautiful thing about doing this work on myself, is that it has helped me to role model this authentic expression to both Harvey and Ada. If I feel safe to show up fully as myself, then they will too!
By understanding their unique energetic blueprint, I can better see and accept them for who they are, and support them to show up in their most authentic expression.
5. Human Design has taught me that I am allowed to have an identity outside of motherhood, follow my purpose and find more fulfillment.
How often do us mothers talk about losing our identity in motherhood?
In the beginning, I forgot who I was outside of the nurturer and caregiver role. I forget what gave me butterflies of excitement and what made me happy!
Instead, I told myself that I needed to martyr through the early days, sacrificing my own needs for the well-being of my kids.
Sound familiar?
Little did I realize, that this approach left me feeling not only anxious and burnt out, but I stopped doing the things that made me wake up with a sense of vitality.
Things like:
Going to a yoga class
Connecting with my friends
Being playful and creative
For me, Human Design and tapping into my intuition was a way to remember these parts of myself that make me feel fulfilled outside of my role as a mother.
When I had my own Human Design Reading done, many of my gifts and strengths that came through were traits that I already knew to be true about myself, and yet, I had chosen to ignore and dismiss them. Understanding my energetic blueprint was the permission I needed to show up creatively, trust my intuitive nudges and more confidently follow my purpose!
Here are some simple shifts that have happened FOR ME since I began deconditioning, and committed to living in alignment with my Human Design:
I quit my full time job as a Registered Nurse and went all in on my dream business
I began to confidently teach women's mindfulness and yoga circles locally
I prioritize sleep and take catnaps almost every day to care for my mind & body
Aligned opportunities are flowing my way: I was invited to co-host a women's retreat, and join Wand(HER)wild
I’m more comfortable with surrendering to what is, instead of pushing for things to happen the way I want them to
I wake up feeling energized and excited about my day
I know that this is a long post and I’m grateful if you’ve made it all the way to the end. I hope it inspires you to dive into your own Human Design chart as a way to support your personal motherhood journey. Know that you can always reach out if you have any questions or want more support with understanding more.
Sending you love and light,
Carolyn
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