I think it's in our nature as humans to push uncomfortable feelings away and to grasp onto the pleasant ones.

Maybe it's just me, but I truly believe that I feel my emotions more deeply as a mother.

When my kids were born, it literally felt like my heart was outside of my body, and it's here where it’s been vulnerable to weather both the good and the bad.

Although I could talk endlessly about the exploding amount of love that my children have created in my heart, today I want to focus on the more uncomfortable feelings that we move through.

It's been my personal experience that, by holding space for the discomfort of fear, grief, shame, disgust, anger, etc., we can learn to find more allowing and acceptance in our lives.

With allowing, we can release unnecessary suffering and better flow with the curve balls of life and motherhood.

In the past, I unconsciously tried to do everything in my power to prevent being with any uncomfortable feelings; they felt too icky in my body.

It was easier to energetically push them away, distract myself from them, or bury them deep down like a worm in the soil.

The reason that I feel called to share this with all of you today is:

1. I noticed myself trying to resist my emotions (yet again) as I navigate grief after the very recent loss of my Dad back in June.
2. Understanding this concept years ago when I struggled with panic attacks radically changed how I cope with my own emotions, and how I teach my littles to do the same.

What I learned back when I struggled quite significantly with anxiety in my 20’s, was that I was creating a lot more suffering for myself by trying to push my emotions away.

Beautifully, this suffering began to soften when I began accepting and allowing my emotions to be present and no longer tried to will them away with control.

Finding Acceptance through Equanimity

Equanimity is a term used frequently in meditation practice that describes being energetically open to whatever is showing up in the present moment.

About 5 years ago when I committed to my daily meditation practice, meditation helped me to practice and integrate equanimity into my life.

If distractions such as sounds, spiralling thoughts, or uncomfortable sensations were present as I was meditating, equanimity was the voice that said, “Let them be there. Allow. Open.”

It’s a practice of not pushing away what we don’t like, and also not grasping into what we do.

When we are equanimous, we allow everything to come and go without attaching any judgments to our experiences or emotions.

Learning that I could apply this concept to what was happening to my body with my feelings and emotional state, helped to alleviate so much suffering that I was unconsciously creating for myself.

Let me explain further…

Carolyn’s Anxiety Story

Back in my mid-20’s I went through a time when I began experiencing severe panic attacks. I was terrified of how my body felt when they were happening. The uncontrollable muscle twitching, pounding heart, pit in my stomach, and feeling like I was in a dream world made me question whether I was safe or not. I believed that the feeling of panic meant something terrible was going to happen to me. I tried everything I could to prevent myself from feeling the fear.

What I didn't realize was that stuffing fear and anxiety down when it wanted to come up, and willing it away mentally, created a lot of resistance and extra stress.

My mind was constantly worrying about when the feelings would surface and how I could prevent it. I began isolating myself inside my home because it was the only place where I felt safe.

Ironically, the more I tried to control and push away the fear, the more fear surfaced.

Have you ever heard the phrase, ‘what we resist, persists’? This is exactly what happened with my anxiety and it was exhausting.

Integration Takes Time & Trust

Through the practice of meditation, I began slowly trusting that I didn't have to push the discomfort away. Instead, I could allow my emotions to come and go and be a non-judgemental observer to it all.

As soon as I began to find acceptance of the panic instead of running from it, the sensations came and passed much more quickly. I found that the energy released from my body and no longer lingered around, waiting to creep up unannounced. It was as though finally allowing and accepting my emotions created a softening around fear.

Of course, applying this concept of equanimity to our emotional states requires us to trust. It requires time to heal our old ways of coping and be compassionate with ourselves as we slowly learn that it’s safe to feel.

Flowing with what is, is a process that is often not linear in nature because it takes a lot of work. It required us to change patterns and ways of being that have often ingrained in us since we were little. It needs constant reintegration as we move through seasons of leaning on old ways of coping.

This is why, as I grieve the loss of my Dad, it feels easier to distract myself or to ignore the emotions than to actually sit with the pain of it all.

I hope my words encourage you to embrace the flow of life, and all the emotions that come with it, because I promise you that healing even the smallest resistance wound can make a world of a difference.

Begin Practicing Acceptance over Resistance

Here are a few simple ways that I practice more acceptance of my emotions:

Daily Body Scan Practice

Create a sacred space in your day when you can intentionally let your emotions show up. Feel them in your body. Name the emotions if you can. For example, grief.

Notice any sensations that are present inside of the emotion. For example, the grief is creating a pit in my stomach, and heaviness around my heart space. Feel the sensations.

After holding space for the emotion and sensations in your present awareness, send your breath in any areas that need softening. Your breath is a powerful tool for releasing stuck emotions!

In Wand(HER)wild’s free resource, Sacred Morning Rituals, I teach you the exact body scan ritual that I practice every single morning to intentionally connect with my mind & body.

Grab it for free here!

2. Equanimity Check-In

Mindfully check in with yourself multiple times throughout the day to see if you are energetically avoiding or pushing any ‘difficult’ experiences or emotions aside.

As mothers, a good time to do this is when you are feeling triggered by something your children are doing!

As yourself:

“How can I create more softening and heart-opening as I move through this experience?”

“How can I open up to the feelings I am experiencing at this moment?”

3. Music Ritual

Listen to a song that reflects how you're feeling in the present moment. Let the song connect you with your emotions and allow them to release. There’s nothing like allowing yourself a good cry when listening to a song!

4. Holotropic Breathwork

Holotropic breathwork is a form of conscious connected breath where you take in more oxygen than when you are breathing normally. This practice allows you to access deeper states of consciousness where you can process repressed feelings, experiences, and memories. If you’ve never tried a class before, I definitely encourage you to join our Members Space and give it a try!

5. Notice Your Children

Start looking to your children as teachers. Young children are not yet conditioned by society to hide or push away their emotions. They feel their emotions deeply, express them fully, and then allow them to be released. Therefore, they are amazing examples of how to open up to the sensations that want to surface!

I hope that my experiences navigating uncomfortable emotions inspire you to find more acceptance when navigating difficult times.

Sending you love and light,

Carolyn